Hello and once again im back
...........Look, i done got caught up with all of my other issues that i forgot to talk about the number 1 issue im facing in my world right now...that 4 letter trouble making word called L.O.V.E.. hmmmm..I know i was a little brief in that section when i first introduced myself but trust me when i say that there is alot more that meets that eye n my life. Love has always been the number one challenge in my life since i first said "Im gay" lol. I mean i dont been thru it all: the confident ones, the local heartbreakers, the "Im so damn bitter so ima make u pay for everyones mistakes", the " I dont know what I want" one's, the " Let me g your head up and make u feel like your the best in the world and when i feel you fallin for me ill just drop you cause it was a joke" one's ..the "i have a wife and kids", o! and my favorite type to hate; " I dont know what i want" type (dont u just love those?) Well ....unfortunate for me in this type of game i have fallen for each of these types because i wore my heart on my sleeves..but these hard lessons have taught me to have a tough heart and even tougher skin..so lately i've been on the "rain check" list for looking for love in Gay America. I mean...as a culture we go thru soo much already being hated by many different types of strangers, family memebers, and friends so when it comes time to actually find romantic interest we have to first defragmentize all of the guilt, sorrow, reject, and fear that these ignorant people has bestowed upon us. And I can say because of my own family, intelligence, and friends i have been blessed enough to accept myself and basically throw all of these items out of the window. But i cant speak for the rest of them so u can understand why finding love is like finding a virgin in a brothel house lol. Dont get me wrong, Ive had some successful relationships in my past...but what starts off as "Baby i love you " in the too soon beginning becomes "Get the fuck away from me i hate you" in the not to distant ending...which is how my pervious relationship has ended. So entering ATL i was already informed with the "stay away" from the boyz up there and....it wasnt even a week of me being here that i noticed what they were talking about...I already got a dick who tried to play that GAME and got immediately CUT and whats sad is that he is from NY...wat a mess someone please escort him out the king's palace for attempting that bull?? And just like that...my respect for the ATL men....along with my respect for the NYC dudes..had been lost...
GOT DAMN! Can i just find someone who takes thier time n geting to know someone? Can i just roll with someone who will be able to be my support for when I need it (Like ohh...lets say....RIGHT NOW!!!) ...Or how about someone that can just make me laugh..it's not that hard i mean shit i laugh at anything...but like the old saying goes "You gotta let love find you" ..FUCK that...Im playing Carmen Sandiego right now...Where n the world is me ??
This is A.E. signing off.....
2 comments:
Seeing ATL as anything but different from NYC is kinda disappointing. One would expect that the experiences would be different in two different environments. But I guess, even as nature can prove, no matter what country your in or which state you visit, it rains there just as it did in your old environment. That's just to point out that no matter where you go, the experiences will more or less be the same.
In NYC, a lot of people in the black gay community almost idolize ATL, so it doesn't really surprise me that you ended up running into someone from NYC there. In much the same way, people from ATL and other parts of the south are anxious to come to NYC. Guess you can say I'm living proof since I moved here from the south a few years back. (That doesn't mean that I like it here in NYC though lol.)
Love can never be "found" and it most certainly isn't searching for anything at all, so I doubt that it would run into anyone. If one is searching for love, then he's running away from himself and if he's waiting for love to find him, then he's letting the good things in life pass him by because he expects it to come to him instead of having to work for it; at least that's my opinion and I'm stickin' to it ;-). Look for love and you'll travel a blind path. Wait for it to come and you'll be disappointed each time.
We've only known each other for a short time, but I feel that I understand enough about you to identify with you on this. My guess is that even though sharing your successes with your friends and family feels great to you, there's still a void you can't ignore. Sharing your successes with a significant other may be what this void is. You want to receive and give love to someone so much that you hurt deep down. I'd say that when you meet a man who eventually isn't worth it, you're more hurt by the fact that they don't seem to be aware of how far you're willing to go to get to know them and try to make it work, as opposed to them just being incompatible.
Kinda ran outta ideas cause I just got a phone call, lol, but just know that these are my ideas and my impression of you. I'll keep reading, baby boy and will look forward to the day your story sprouts joy...
All I can say is you cant go looking for love, it will just have to find you. Also I don't know the situations but its always good to know what both parties want out of it. I mean was is expressed in the beginning of these encounters that you were looking for something serious?
Post a Comment