Noahs Arc ...GIving hope

So this is me, A.E., hitting u with another fact of reality in my world


Last night, me and a couple of my close friends went and saw the movie Noah's Arc; Jumping the Broom". After waiting in line for what seems like forever, and dealing with a bunch of not- so- happy homosexual men of color lol, We finally was seated in a o so freaking hot theater with Coronas and popcorn( lmao who drinks at the movies??). Anyways, that movie was freaking GOOD. I thought it was going to suck because the show only went on for two seasons, BUT its a good thing Im not paid for my thoughts because that I be a broke man right now. It was certain things that I found to be too extreme (im not going to spoil it), but overall it was a really positive movie (just like the show) for all of black gay men to see. After viewing the movie, me and friends decided to hang out and chill, but in the back of my mind, a question lingered from the movie; Can it be that us gay men are ment to have a happily ever after with someone we love? I mean im bout to put you up on real talk. In the white gay world, i know most of those gay men have forever, it is seen on TV everywhere. But as for us in the gay black world, forever or even a little portion of it seems to be a distant fantasy that we all crave for, whether most of us wants to admit it or not. As seen in the movie, some of us may go around and sleep for the world for the benefit of not only sexual pleasure but companionship. Some of us may play the bitter cold hearted man (yeah thats me lol) who continuously down plays love and says it could never happen to them, but deep down inside we want just as bad as the ones who want to fall in love quick, the ones who wear their heart on their sleeves. And its movies like that that install just a little bit of hope in us to not give up on God's greatest gift.....BUT....Most of us gay men of color think like me, and because they have a love story that went wrong to search for another being to possibly share their lives with is not quite something on thier to-do lists, or maybe, because the society puts so much stress on us about our lifestyle and who we love, it takes this negative influence that tells us that happily ever after will never be granted because we are living a life of deviance. ....Deep shit huh? Well, this lingered in my mind and Im really glad for that movie comming out, maybe it will undo some psychological damage that is already within us, and like it did with me last night, it will relight some of the hope that we can have a longtime love in our lives. Non judged, non hated, just love. Ok thats all i have to say




This is A.E., signing off

Roommates, Jobs, and Driving O My

This is A.E. again with a wonderful thought

...Sorry for not getting to you sooner...But Ive just been busy running around...Gee I actually like the sound of that..me and busy mixed together. I just recently viewed and apartment with my friend for the move in to be soon..I mean its cute for a first apartment and you know the hardest lesson for me to learn(and I did) was not to complain so much and just sit back and receive your blessings. I also got the second job at Godiva so I have to sit here and figure out how me schedule is going to go. Lets c...being that out of all retail I absolutely HATE clothing stores, I think Im going to just do 2 days at the already failing business place called J Crew, and the rest of the days at Godiva. Maybe we I get a motor vehicle I can open up my Sundays, but Im just taking it a day at a time and not look toooo much into the future though I always love to prepare, it keep me busy and gives me purpose I guess. Today I went searching for another job, to hopefully replace the failing J Crew because if I do get this apartment then it would be kind of far, then again so will the one be in Godiva so ill just take it one day at a time like I said. I hope the Godiva store is a real good experience, and if not you know Ill just keep looking and praying lol. O today, I met this dance crew from New Zealand!! Can you believe that! they are actually in town for the a choreographers ball that is happening on Sunday (and u know Im gonna be there!!), so I gave them my number and I cant wait to c what they got. Maybe we can work on something before they leave..you know im all about NETWORKING...but in the meantime I need to get so damn networking cards dammit!!!



This is A.E. Signing off.....

Drivers Card

This is A.E. here with another exciting thing yet once again

Ok folks, last time i left you, I told you I found a job, and I was officially stating to see the light at the end of the tunnel..Today, I guess i seen it more. After damn near 3 1/2 years of classes and practice: I officially got my License in the state of GA ...am I happy? shit hell fucknig yeah!! I know most people out here look at me like "are you serious" but they dont know how spolied NY'kers are when it comes to transportation. See, our transportation runs 24 hours, so we dont need a car and having a license is like going to college, some people need it and some people really could care less about it. So, yes I am happy. I mean, i knocked over a couple of cones here and there(yeah my backing up sucks), and i may have been gonig UNDER the speed limit in the fast lane, but got damnit I passed! Now comes the goal obtaining my own whip so that I can use it, which is what I am working on now so what I am learning about life is that when one obstacle is accomplished, another one to be done comes RIGHT after it. Its what keeps us focused, and thats how God keeps us on Smash...I realize that things happen surely but surely, and it is truly your job to just keep the motor running, morals in check, and keep smiling. At least now I dont have to hear people's mouth about me and my PERMISSION card to drive lol. Anyway, more the less things in Atlanta is starting to get on track. Hopefully I can make a solid circle of friends, find a career related job OUTSIDE of retail, and the ultimate goal...start off my career as an entertainer...Gee soo much to do and I feel like Im already behind...

Begining a Renewed life

Today is the day I officially start work folks....

..well not like literally now but in a couple of hours I will be going into the work site to begin to process out shipment and placing merchandise out for our stores big opening. Lol this should be fun, I felt like Ive been out of the damn loop so much that I need to get back focus so I can save up and proceed on to other plans. Lately, Ive been feeling like my NY swagger was dying, but now with this opportunity I know Im working on getting it back. Besides, with money i can start to take more dance classes and even get into the vocal thing so i can modify my voice and make history like Diddy would say. Hmmm, I dont know why, but I am nervous. Maybe it is because Ive never had a job here before or maybe its just because ive been waiting for just little opportunity and i cant believe it is here and present. Even thought it is a little part time gig, it means soo much to me in these times of economic hardships, and you will never miss something until you have it and I def missed working, its like second nature for me. So wish me luck folks...Im going in there finally!
Now to get to the reality of things, I also realize that I do not have my own form of transportation so I have to rely on the unreliable transportation that Atlanta has offered me. Great. I think thats why I am nervous, because I have no got damn idea how i am going to do this, but I am going to do this, this Is something I know. It will be a headache, and if my plans go thru about me moving to another spot in different section, it will be damn there impossible. But I will get thru it. Just like I got thru the month of September, I will get thru this month of October with ambitions. Im still waiting on that call from another position offered to me, but they are on vacation right now so i guess I will have to just stick with what I got and deal. You know what im secretly wishing for though, I just hope that a position will open up full time at my current spot now because when it do...I am going to jump soo fast on that opportunity you would swear that I am broke with no money (which i am!) So just hope that everything will be iight.
Moving on to my other important side, me and a friend decided to go ahead and start a dance troupe here in Atlanta. Now dont get me wrong you know dancing is my passion, but the politics of forming a group can be messy, and today it most def. showed its ugly face and already we had a slight disagreement. I was ready to throw in the towel, but, I realize that there is def no I in team, and compromising is your best friend. So with this in mind, me and my friend aka business partner will have a general chate about everything and try to nail this sucker out. I just have a feeling that out of all the groups and companies i danced in, this one will somehow be a breakthrough to something in my life. And for this, I will push this notion. Wish me luck


This is A.E. signing off and saying....VOTE OBAMA 08 lol

Family Woes

Wassup guys...A.E. back again pissed the hell off and ready to smack someone......

Ok...you would think that being that I officially start work next week that things will be looking up right...Yeah right, more of the atl complex is still in full effect and iif its not one damn nightmare then its another one lurking at my fucking door. It is now the 4th of October and i still do not have a license or car to maneuver around Atlanta 's premises what so ever. I would like to believe that this is partly my fault because my mind was still occupied with different stress factors such as finding employment and a place to live aka plan B....But being that one of those pillars were knocked down another one that follows that must come into place. And so.....last week immediately after i was hired, I called the DDS place and scheduled and appt, but unfortunately like NY, about a million people figured out that driving is necessary out here and because of that I didnt get a date until the 23rd of October. Ok, well I need it a little sooner than that, so i was told that they have walk in appointments available .so....GREAT!! Maybe if i can get in there a little sooner and wait the wait I can get it earlier...So last week i brought the conversation up with the person who told me about the walk ins, my beloved cousin, and she told me ok...well we can go (this) week around Wednesday or Thursday in the morning and give it a try...sounds simple right..NOPE well if I havent realize this important lesson life, which is never rely on anyone to do anything for u, I wouldnt have expected the following things to occur..

1. This past tuesday while is preoccupied with my thoughts, my wonderful infant cousin wanted to see if my phone can swim, so she dropped my BLackberry Curve into the tub and ..well..killed it instantly...Her mother, Cara, tried to revive the dead phone but after seeing that it wouldnt work she dismissed it and oped to pay for it. BUT because im currently staying with her and because im not that much of a pain in the ass, I dismissed that notion saying that ill use her old phone until she can be able to purchase another one ..The money she told me she was gonna use to pay for my phone was put aside to PAINT her child's room and i didnt want to be a sour puss....And then when I asked my father if he could buy me a replacement phone, he told me yeah but ima keep pushing the money back for my car so i dismissed that notion 2 because as i said..that car is not something i want.its something I NEED and it seems that my NY parent dont understand that

2. So, wit that said I used her phone and life went on. The next day, she went head and brought the paint and stored it saying that soon enough we are gonna start the painting process. I didnt know the she would be immediately because 2 hours later...we started painting. Lol this is on a Wednesday, so maybe i thought thats she forgot about me and i brought up the situation again and she told me o yeah she would take me the next day....

3. And so I wake up the next morning and o...everyone is still painting around and stuff...ok well i guess I was forgotten about so i just sucked it up and swallowed it and hey i even helped out ...when it was brought up..at 2pm..i said forget it because its late...the place stops appts at 4pm, so whats the point?? Lol, so an option was presented to me stating that tomorrow morning Ill be taken. Cool...so last night I went out, had a ogood time and slept over my friends crib...reminding him that i have to get home in the morning because I have to meet my cousin early to get my license. He agreed because he had an interview the next day at 11 so...it was a good plan.

4. And so I wake up...it is Friday 10am and im on my way back to the house..had to persuade my boy to drop me off at the house cause he def. was gonna drop me to a bus stop, i get here at 1020..run in the house...and take a shower excited that today is the day...I hop in, hop out, and when i come out..my cousin starts painting again...Ok so i try to expedite the process and help her out a lil bit and guess when we finish...lol 2pm. So now Im on my way there and it seems as she was a lil reluctant to go with me, and when we get there around 230...it is a very long line....So as you know im aggravated. I skip the line just to ask about the road test, and the man looks at me and says "Look man, there is 20 people already in front of you, it best to just come back in the morning"....Go back to tell this info to Cara, and shes like " O well what does 20 people have to do with the wait? how many instructors are there??" so i go runnig around asking questions and hittin brick walls....the instructors dont wanna answr questions...the peple waiting are getting upset that i keep skipping, and th eline is getting longer so I purpose a suggestion for me to wait on line and my cousin to help me out and of course, reluctantly she agrees. and gos in herself to ask the question....She comes out and tells me "O yeah the lady said that its 20 people ahead of you and tomoro it is going to be 30 people in total so i dont think that thats a good idea either ....She said that it is just better if you was to make an appt because it secures your time and stuff"....ok.....So i get off the line and go home....mission is not accomplished yet once again



................Now im not a fan of the blame game because it doesnt change circumstances, but you tell me who fault was all of this happening??? The sad part is that u unlike NY, i have to find a car to do the road test in, and her car is the only one convenient for me. And it seems as if anytime I ask for a favor to be done for me without anyone's gain, it hardly or never gets done. So I come to the conclusion, depend on no one because when you do you will truly be fucked in the end. You want to know what else? Know that I am in a very compromising situation right now because for me to tell my cousin how i feel would be for me to get kicked out of the house with no where to live...isnt that sensational ?? lol this def isnt the first time that something like this has happened to me but I will be next to last. So Im just going to decide to humble myself and not say anything and keep my inner peace, though it is burning with anger and frustration right now. ..Im starting to think that my presence here is a bother and this is def. a place I cannot call home, but once again, Im always the one to extend my hand to anyone whenever they need it. i never put anyone on the backburner, but that must a family trait that passed me. In my family, it goes i come first and you come next, and I guess painting the house was waayyyy more important than anything I had to do so ill take it. Lol amazes me...when will this nightmare end ???



This is A.E......signing off