Love's FOOL

Im back guys with another thought that just cant stay in the brain...

Ok guys i have a question for all of you folk out there thats tuned in...Have you ever played a fool before?? Sure. We all have. At one point of life for our family, friends, jobs, and more importantly for the people we fall for or genuinely care for, we play a fool. You purposely miss all the signs in the world that tells you that is just not ment for you. You ignore everything negative about your situation, but deep down inside, the truth eats at you like the bleach that eats your favorite Red Tshit that you FORGOT to take out of the white clothes pile on laundry day. Why do we do this? Because we all want to think that we all dictate what goes on in our lives....we dont like to be told we are wrong...and deep down inside ...we just dont want to be lonely in the end? So its like a win loose situation right?? lol...well i realized today that I am a fool, but it isnt to any livig being in the world(or is it?). I play a fool for LOVE...?Well isnt it the same?" You would ask? No. It isnt. See when you play a fool for someone, eventually that person leaves and after all the heartbreak you encountered will die off...When you play a fool for LOVE...the SOMEBODY can become ANY and EVERYBODY because your in love with an EMOTION that a human can give u, not the actual person. So you date or deal with other peoples bullshit not for THEM but for the emotion that you feel only another human can give you....And being that LOVE (esp n the gay black world) is non existant..I realize that the only reason why I put up with some of this shit I do is not because I want the person...I want the emotion the person has deep inside...Kinda like a cereal box with a prize on the inside. You hate the cereal but buy it because you want the prize inside.....None the less....Your still being a FOOL...and tonight I realize I cant be that fool anymore. Yeah I have a heart to love....I have a big heart...But I can no longer be a slave to LOVE anymore..cause its making me hate all of the participants whos holding this prize in the box. ..So its tim to say Goodbye Farewell to that quest of FINDING it...Im not saying that prize in no longer in a box...im just saying I rather just enjoy eating pancakes instead...Just a food for thought....

This is A.E. telling LOVE to...Catch me if u can! Lol.....

A Plea for Prayer

August 24, 2009,

Today marks the official year of me moving from new York to Atlanta GA.Yay, I could definitely say that I am not the man that I was before I moved out here. Today I have gained some strength, I have gained some substance, and more importantly, I have learned how to be a man and live on my own. Or shall I say, know the responsibilities. More unfortunate for me though, I still haven’t a job to financially support my staying out here. With only 7 days left, I don’t know how Im feeling about it all. One moment, im hopeful, then the next moment, im crying, im sad. I don’t know what is going on inside of me, but I know this is depression at its best, I have the headaches to prove it and the sleep patterns are becoming more and more frequent. I really feel like im living two double lives, because to my friends and even my mother and that job that I hate, I am super happy Ralphie, the Ralphie that’s motivated and all those other things I used to be over a year ago, and when im all alone, my motivation is down at a record low. I don’t know. I had an interview that went well last week Wednesday, but still I have gotten no call backs, and this is a job that I really want. I interned successfully at a clinic for 6 months FREE because I knew I needed some experience and still nothing. With this countdown getting shorter and shorter world, I don’t know what Im goin to do. I cant afford to stay here and I cant even afford to go home. Im soo scared because stories like this you hear on TV or see in a movie, but you never think it can happen to you in real life, so when it does, you stuck. My friends back home told me that my first year would be my hardest because I am going to struggle, but this marks the end of my frist year, and MY O MY has a been one, what happens now, will atleast one door finally just open up for me? This is all the things that are going thru my head as I write this entry. Im telling lately it has been taking all of the strength I had to just be happy and not let this situation get the best of me, and I can honestly say that this all n all has brought me closer to God, because late at night, I swear I feel him hugging me and telling me that it will be ok. But is this just my imagination like the song goes. Whoever decides to read this, whoever has been in this situation before, just please close your eyes, and pray for me. I need all the prayers n the world. Pray that I get this job, pray that I can get my life back, pray that this Devil just leave me alone. Till then Im going to do what I always done, suck it tough, and just finish the day and hold on so tightly to my faith. I have nothing else to do at this moment.

Welcome back!

Wassup guys! sorry i know its been sooo long....damn the begining of the year since I last revealed any confessions..but honestly ....so much has happened..since i last spoke to u...last blog i wrote i believe i was falling in love with a friend who had absoultely no feeling for me what so ever...it took 2 arguments with my friends, a lopsided text message, and a hard pill for me to realize that I was indeed playing the fool all over again for yet another dude. So my spring wasnt exactly flowers and sun..it was def heartbreak and pain...lol I remember the 9 days of heartbreak i went thru..and im telling u world...i wouldnt wish that type of pain on ANYONE...so im rememberance i have this teddy bear..that a friend of mines brought me for Vday(and so ironically me and this friend are no longer friends)...and everynight it sleeps in the corner of my bed and it reminds me to no longer play a fool for ANYONE..ever again..So that was a milestone I def. have gotten over..I have forgiven him tho...forgiven myself...and we are on a cordial level...but thats all lol..So sad..i lost not only the man i thought was my angel..but a man who was once a good friend...Uhh...Work...is still work..but just recently I had a serious nervous breakdown while on the clock.and that was the first time EVER i have had that much stress from a job in my history..so that was about the last ive had with that situation..so I am looking very hard into finding another place of employment...and living stress free...I dunno world...like the end of this month will make it one official year that i have moved here n ATL and honestly..with all the struggles...tears....and heartbreak..I can say that I am a very blessed man because thru out it all i can say my mother has always been with me the whole entire way and I can say that i have found a extended family who has been there for me...MY Cartwrights..lol i call them...so I dont stress cause i am a truely blessed man...and Im still here...im still standing...im still making it...and I know one day my story will be a testimony for someone who will be going thru the samething...Amazes me man....so do note that I will be updating this ..i feel like I need to...and thank you for still keping up with me..TTYL

This is A.E. saying..Keep HOpe Alive!!

The Shades of Grey

Wassup Guys....Im back

Ok...so last night I was over rehearsing with one of my best friends out here in the A...and we ere both just swapping stories about whats going on in the personal life..and an interesting topic was mentioned that i feel I must share with the world. The topic...SHADES OF GREY...now listen carefully and Im gonna explain what exactly what it is...You know me always providing scenarios and examples

..Now picture this: YOu meet someone, and things start off so well....You hang out occasionally with this person, you talk on the phone with them consistently morning noon and night, the vibe is right and the chemistry is there ...pretty soon as the days progress you realize that you like this person, and you dont wanna move to fast with them and like jump head first into a committed relationship., but at the same time you dont want to be with anyone else..this person has gotten your attention..so now your whole viewpoint is about to change...each day that goes by you wonder if this person is thinking about you as much as your thinking about them...the once freelance conversations you guys where having has shifted and now you start to poke at questions that would make them involuntarily tell u how they feel about you....you wonder if the person is dating someone else.....you just start to battle yourself and in order to protect your heart you put on this tough guy exterior and you fake at being nonchalant because you dont want to reveal how much you are starting to care for this person....well my friend this stage is called the SHADES OF GREY...any relationship that is worth having goes thru this. I personally think that its a test of your patience and wisdom..See us as a society and most def in the gay world tend to rush things..Once we found the superhero we been asking for we tend to wanna lock them down so that no one else can claim them or have the potential to steal a prize that you put your time and effort in..Though this can be annoying to you because no one likes to be played for an idiot, I believe that it actually good for the developing relationship because you would want to take the time to know the person first before you decide to spend your life with them (if your into the long term thing like me)...You would wanna build that trust with them because in the shades of grey, technically the person that your gunning for at any time can either pick up and go, leave you for someone else, or fall right into your arms...so it is here where your faith is tested 100 percent....thats whats we call life and believe me when i tell Patience is really a virtue...so if any of you are going thru this shade, hold on and hold on 2 your faith...Dont fixate on the negative and celebrate the positive....and more importantly....Dont rely on the things that are not being said..rather focus on the things that are being shown..I think that speaks for itself. After all...certain things and emotions require NO WORDS. I think im learning that now..I feel like Morpheus..i just believe


This is A.E. aka DR LOVE....Saying to all a good night!

Please dont stop the dancing........

Wassup guys....HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Sorry ive been so MIA once again, but by now if you dont get it, i just been so damn busy getting my life together and trying to figure my life out some more so that when i get on here i can come correct and tell u the shit that be really on my mind...like the shit that just tingles n my damn spirit and i just have to let loose...so excuse me for the abscense but I had to figure out what next...speaking of next i have another issue thats going on with this world..

Have you guys been noticing the evolution of dance in todays world?? Ok, if you havent Ima take you back into time a little bit so you can understand what im feeling....ok lets dig back into the 90's..You would turn on the tv and hit MTV to watch the hottest videos...and of course MJ and JJ was one of those artists who provided it for you...remember the dancing back in the videos...I mean damn, the steps werent that hard to catch but every single damn dancer in that video felt all of their steps...like they really put a whole lotta passion and stuff to their dancing...The videos were about themes and the choreography catered to the themes....the head knocks, the waps and BAMS, like you felt the lyrics come to life by the dancing that was portrayed...nowawdays its like wat the f***!!! I mean dancing has become more of a demand. Dancers are like TRIPPLED the amount that they used to be...and everyone is a choreographer doing the same type of steps for the same type of songs and its like omg a nightmare....

Today i turn on the tv, and looking at what dance has become disspoints me as an individual yo...Like yeah the dances be hot and all....but where did the feeeling behind it go...What happen to PERFORMING a step rather than just dancing to it and benig sharp and percise with ur steps..I thought this enlightment was only in my imagination..until recently I saw JJ's All for u tour and ....OMG WHAT THE HELL!!!! All the steps thats she does now have NO feeling behind them...yeah the dancers hit the beat and they dance well...but they have no FACE no PERFORMANCE behind the step what so ever...its like they just taking another dance class on stage ...that annoys me for real. I cant stand it. SO im bout to bring it back...bring it all back..usuing the modernized version of hip hop and street jazz today and infusing it with the sttitude that i looked up too growing as a child....I promise myself and GOD that I will try to bring it back because it death is something i know alot people right now is NOT looking forward too...You wanna know what I think happened...it became all about the integrity and the complex of the steps...and less about the character...SMH World when will we learn PERFORMANCE is everything...but ima bring it back tho. Watch me



This is A.E. saying wish me luck!!! lol



P.S.- I mean there is one person who still gives it ..shout out to BEYONCE and FRANK for really providing the attitude for the steps...and my theory must be sumwhat logical because when single ladies came out EVERYONE wanted to learn the dance..so why wasnt this evident when other Entertainers did dances in their routine...Shes hot for a reason and that type of dance she does has ALOT to do with it!!