Another month another day ....another year
...You would think by now i would be used to this right....well....nah im not. It is another month of the new year and im still just trying to keep my faith together and in order. You kno walking by faith isnt as easy as I thought it would be. In the month of January, however, I did accomplish alot though..Ive maganged to audition for the Agency that I really dreamed of being a part of...Bloc South, and I gave my ALL into it...to my surprise two weeks later they send me to a movie auditon..and I cried thats how excited I was I just KNEW I made it...went to it...made the first cut...got cut second round..(ugh) but just the fact of me being there was a blessing ....that Sunday...I auditioned for a All Male Choreography show in May..and I GOT It..like I felt like it was really my time world...like ok Gods really giving it to me right now cause He knows im ready for it ...and yeah ..I got called back from the agency to the callbacks ...and ....I didnt make it......huh? ...So you send me on a audition to represent YOU i MAKE at least the 1st cut of 80 sumthin dudes ...and im still not good enough to sign exclusively to you??...OUCH....what a setback...I think that hurt alot ...and of course you know whenever it rains.....it pours.
Now a month later ...still no job ...NO agency..and the show isnt until May so not ever rehearsal for that ...for some reason part of me feels like a failure...like when I told my dad about the movie audition..he started crying...thats how happy he was for me...THIS MAN NEVER CRIES....like for one second he started believing in me and this Entertainer thing ...and then when I told him I didnt make it..it was the LAST time I heard from him...Right now I have more bills than anything....Rent is coming up ...and even though I know my mother has my back I can tell im back on her List of unfavorable people...Its like im back to where i started when i left those crazy ass Wells Fargo people...loosing hope...I try to just smile and take it a day at a time and do what I can do ..but it truly gets mentally harder for me everyday ....I feel stupid sometimes...But I swear thats when God whispers to me and tells me it will be ok ...things will get better...or is it really my imagination thats messing with me...even my love life is still n shambles....Always running into the same thing..never finding consistency ...its like wtf man ...am i cursed?? It jus hurts me
So whenever it gets around this time...I just sit and think about it all.....and at night...I cry...about it all.......I mean i have my friends n all....and I love them to death ..but they have thier own successful lives going on and i dont wanna burden them with all of these worries...so right now i have to take sleeping pills to help me fall asleep ...and even those dont work...Its like im loosing it ....Im scared for my sanity ...this business is gonna make me crazy ....I feel like sometimes this shit is ruining my life ...aside from the body pains i feel at night....and i dont wanna resent my God given talent ..but looks where it has me now...BROKE...AND DEPRESSED....Im trying to hold on to my hope ..but ..its like holding on right now to an Elephant with a shoestring ...So im singing to God...This time please just save me.....I could feel myself giving up...
This is A.E. signing off :( Pray for me yall
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2 comments:
God never gives us more than we can handle. Our God is selfish and jealous and wants to know that we love him first an foremost, hence the trials and tests of faith he puts us through. Never loose faith, stayed prayed up man, artist to artist. Faith will see you through, the best is yet to come.
Thank you. I just seen this.I really appreciate this
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