August 24, 2009,
Today marks the official year of me moving from new York to Atlanta GA.Yay, I could definitely say that I am not the man that I was before I moved out here. Today I have gained some strength, I have gained some substance, and more importantly, I have learned how to be a man and live on my own. Or shall I say, know the responsibilities. More unfortunate for me though, I still haven’t a job to financially support my staying out here. With only 7 days left, I don’t know how Im feeling about it all. One moment, im hopeful, then the next moment, im crying, im sad. I don’t know what is going on inside of me, but I know this is depression at its best, I have the headaches to prove it and the sleep patterns are becoming more and more frequent. I really feel like im living two double lives, because to my friends and even my mother and that job that I hate, I am super happy Ralphie, the Ralphie that’s motivated and all those other things I used to be over a year ago, and when im all alone, my motivation is down at a record low. I don’t know. I had an interview that went well last week Wednesday, but still I have gotten no call backs, and this is a job that I really want. I interned successfully at a clinic for 6 months FREE because I knew I needed some experience and still nothing. With this countdown getting shorter and shorter world, I don’t know what Im goin to do. I cant afford to stay here and I cant even afford to go home. Im soo scared because stories like this you hear on TV or see in a movie, but you never think it can happen to you in real life, so when it does, you stuck. My friends back home told me that my first year would be my hardest because I am going to struggle, but this marks the end of my frist year, and MY O MY has a been one, what happens now, will atleast one door finally just open up for me? This is all the things that are going thru my head as I write this entry. Im telling lately it has been taking all of the strength I had to just be happy and not let this situation get the best of me, and I can honestly say that this all n all has brought me closer to God, because late at night, I swear I feel him hugging me and telling me that it will be ok. But is this just my imagination like the song goes. Whoever decides to read this, whoever has been in this situation before, just please close your eyes, and pray for me. I need all the prayers n the world. Pray that I get this job, pray that I can get my life back, pray that this Devil just leave me alone. Till then Im going to do what I always done, suck it tough, and just finish the day and hold on so tightly to my faith. I have nothing else to do at this moment.
