October Bus Breeze....

And so…The first day of October has officially shown it’s gloomy face..

Wow, to think just yesterday I was complaining about the hot days of summer, and already it’s gone….all of the crisp white tess….the body showing wife beaters…and white shoes are to be locked away and saved for another day (well…forget that I wanna wear my white shoes I don’t care what no fashion tells me lol). Still all in all, the month of September has been a journey for me that I will never forget as long as I breathe on this earth. Lol, I told myself at the first of this month that if things doesn’t work out with me, I would be gone around this time…and as you would know it the last full week of September I saw some light..that goes to show never give up because sure enough I was ready to pack my shit..and get up on out of here lol, Im glad I stayed though and more importantly Im glad my summer taught me patience and perseverance because I defiantly needed it to proceed on in this tough life of living. Ahh next obstacle…I need to get a damn car! I didn’t realize how much us native New Yorkers are spoiled up until I moved out here, and I realize that you cannot do a got damn thing unless you have your own set of wheels. I told myself “well they have public transportation, so ill be alright” …

..Yeah right, BULLSHIT

Today I was actually relying in public transportation because I was actually choreographing some moves with my boy for kicks, and because I didn’t know the schedule, I just missed the bus coming all the way back to this county, and later on en route I found out that the route closest to my cousins crib was done for the night, so I had to wait for a alternative route, which guys I had no damn idea where that was gonna land me. So much for reliable transportation huh, thank God my cousin came and picked me up because Im telling you I wouldve been assed out in the dark…hoping not to be shot or harassed my animals, rednecks, or ..spiders(omg ewwwww)…So yeah that notion for my car being a luxury, nah hommie, that’s a damn necessity, And on top of that, I see that the bus drivers arent as strict about being on time as they are in NY because while we was one of the two transfer points…The bus just stopped and the driver got off the bus and proceeded to have a conversation with someone off the bus…Wtf??Ny he wouldve got shot on some serious shit …AND omg! I was sitting next to this lady who was apparently engaged in a conflict on the phone, as she the person on the phone and the whole bus that she wasn’t afraid of being locked up again…Whoa…..OMG save me, I cant be involved..Wait its one more!! The lady that was sitting next to me I can tell wasn’t aware that Deodorant was on sale at your local Walmart because she had none on…in a state that is know for its humidity….heaven help me. I was nauseous, irritated and over the CCT bus line at that moment…Damn you never miss something until it is gone and I def. missed the got damn MTA at that point. I miss the people who just pass you by and not try to get up in your business(No I don’t want to talk to you and no I dont wanna know how your day was, what you eat last night, and why you think gas should go down, I want you to shut up looks str8 ahead and leave me the hell alone!) ….I miss the RAPID transit that doesn’t run every quarter of and hour and I miss people on a mission and workers on a mission to get home, not the ones who take their time (Do you know the got damn bus driver almost missed me because he was soo bust looking at the gas station across the street from where im staying) ugh..I cant figure it out…I just cant…Maybe someone out there can figure out this shit..

This is A.E. signing off once and again saying everyone have a happy October!!

The Labeling Theory...

Wassup guys.....A.E. back sooo soon with yet another thought

I must apologize to those all across the world...with everything going on getting my life together and trying to find myself within this wonderful city, I truly forgot the reason why I started this blogger in the first place. And then after of course watching the movie that gave me inspiration, I just couldn't wait to get back to you folks and finally get the party started so that you can know the true side of the Anonymous Entertainer (aka A.E.). So now that im starting to get it, let the games begin

Have you ever wondered how your life would be without labels? Just think about it for one second.....Relationships, Friendships, Work, Religion, everything....imagine one day you can just be free to do what you choose to do without the effects of your label proceeding you. Imagine just one time you could just tell one of your friends that they are assholes for doing a senseless act, without getting judged as being mean or insensitive because thats your "friend". Imagine kicking your brother, sister, or even cousin out of your house after they ruined your car, had sex in places YOU didnt even consider, or just pissed you off with one of their bad habits, and no one will call you "grimey", or more horrid things just because you do in fact share a bloodline...Imagine for once you can just let your boss have it for saying the wrong things to you without the chance of being fired because he or she is your "boss"......More importantly...imagine just kicking it with your boo, hanging out, spending time together, great sex, joking around, fooling around, taking vacations...you know the whole pearly gates, without having the label as "wife" "lover" "boy/girlfriend", or "husband"....will you at that moment be truly happy? You know it's funny how labels run our lives in today's society down from the homeless man or "bumb" you see in the streets late at night...up into the "President" of the U.S. who we see as a man who could never make a mistake because of the title he obtains. I never really realized the importance of labels, but after watching the movie Sex and the City, I think character Carrie Bradshaw made an important point on how labels can both help, and harm, our own personal lives......it shapes how we view certain people, how we react to certain things, and adjusts or lives to rules and restricts our freedom. For example picture this: You meet someone, and at first things are going real good for you. You have casual conversations, hang out on the regular, get in on in the sheets, you laugh, you cry, and just love to be around this person. No one else can make you happy. One day, someone asks you "Is that your boo???" ...Well is it? Have you made it "official"? Do you feel you need 2...And then suddenly you get nervous because you never discussed your "status"with them and soon as you get home, you call them up and ask them.."Are we official?"...Now take a look at yourself...you have a very good connection with this person, and you know that you don't want anyone, and he/she tells you consistently that your the only one for them..Isnt that enough? Or do you need more?

Think about it for one second.

It is then sometimes where we put the label on something that we attempt to fix something that honestly wasnt broken....Cause now with the label of "lover", "spouse", "fuck buddy" we restricts our relationships with codes of ethics and principles that can honestly make our relationships alot worse. So now because you got got these labels, you feel as if its a JOB now to spend more time with them, call them, hang out, have more sex, etc.. and the love becomes slightly tainted because it feels like u MUST do it rather than you CHOOSING to do it which both you and I will lead to the up most disaster. Big difference huh. When I first saw the movie, I was mad at BIG because I didnt understand the choices that he made when turning Carrie down on her wedding day, but now that I seen it a second time, I understand everything he says..including the scene when Carrie asked him if he wanted to still get married, and he said simply "I want you" ...Relying so heavily on labels can be a curse, for it can make your relationship feel more like your job rather than your choice ....After all, you and the person you are dealing know deep down inside what it really is, should it matter to the world??



This is A.E. singing off..

Chiiii--Channngg!!!!!

Wassup Guys A.E. here back again with some great news and more info...

Let the windows of opportunity finally open up...I got a job.

Yeah its true, I officially was hired at JCrew at this outside mall not to far from me. When I heard this information..I immediately jumped out of my skin and I ran for joy...I was o so happy man. Damn, even as i type this memo Im still excited. God is wonderful, but this right here shows how merciful he is and Im glad that I prayed and prayed and stuck it thru...So now your boy is officially employed step 1 to the book in my life. I immediately told my close friends and family, and everyone is excited. Now I gotta do what i gotta do for my own independence. This right here goes to show that no matter what your going thru, change is coming and never give up. I just wonder if what my grandmother says is true, I wonder if all the jobs that I had applied for will start calling me like bill colectors offering me a position. Hmmm, I dunno but at least i have something now. ...Mr. Independent is back in full effect!!!!

Now that that factor of my life has seen a little green light....its time to get into another issue that I am dealing with that maybe you can help me out with.....Its just certain things I dont understand or certain actions that I do that confuse me. Why when I know something is wrong for me, I ignore the signs and keep doing it which thus affects the way i feel about myself. Ok...remember when gave you a whole synopsis on the internet love thing??? Well, I havent yet escaped that web and i think that this factor has contributed to my loneliness for the most part. Its like lately I find myself hitting people up a little more that I want to, and giving in to thier bullshit. Damn! Maybe is it because im just looking to meet new friends....or possibly is it really because I wanna find love on there?? Ugh see if I was home I wouldnt be caring about shit like this....And it honestly gives me a headache. I told myself when I get here, it will be straight about me and only me...No man will occupy my thoughts because I have things to do. And now look what the hell is going on..This is 3rd blog im writing about that focuses on love and I dont like to feel this at all. I tell u one thing though, it sure provides me with alot helluva lot of thoughts to write poetically and lyrically. HELP ME OUT AMERICA!!!!! I need your thoughts


This is A.E. signing off....With money and love on my mind.

Like a Ship lost to Sea

Wassup guys...A.E. here with yet another thought....

I bet your wondering why I decided to write this note in another color right...Well Ill tell you. The color red is my favorite color, but when I first brought this page up to post another blog..i thought I shud write in the mood I am feeling, and usually whenever you see blue, well...u think someone is blue and that I am. Why? because I can finally admit it( and it is really had for me to admit ladies and gents so give me a sec.)..Im lonely. Tonight is the night I officially miss having someone to call my own. In my previous blogs, I spoke of loneliness in the event of the friends and associates that I left back home in NY, but i have a confession...I have also felt a type of loneliness that desires to have someone to call my own. And today as I was in the mall coming from another interview,I saw a man and woman who was together laughing and giggling the lovers giggle, and i was type jealous...Wait..Im lying...It was last night when I was watching making the band, and when i had seen what Que has done for Dawn..i became soo jealous I was actually hating on them ..(Me....hate...omg..) and then when he sang to her...Damn man I almost cried (not in the literal sense...come on guys : /). I remember not so long ago when someone had did the same thing for me that he has done, and I remember the emotions I felt...Damn..I guess when you dont get things like that, it times like these where you start to miss it, and then you start to miss the person who gave it to you. Yup, i remember being in love and that feeling was a wonderful feeling. So now..I sit here...with a frustrated and lonely heart..just thinking damn...when can I find that type of feeling again....Now its beginning to make sense to me, the reason why i stay on those Not Good For You websites, the reason why I write love songs, hell the reason why i must hear a love song before I go to sleep...its because I miss it now more than anything. It sure would be good to do a lovers giggle every now and then with someone im dating, Or hell I wudnt even mind being held right now as i write this post...But i guess god things come to those that wait...just like a JOB and my Career my love life will come in all the same..Damn why out of all people, God chooses me to be the most patient one lol? I dunno....Maybe this will make sense when i make him...Till then as my favortie song in this planet sings..Im Caught Up in one night Love Affair...hoping that love sent from God will find me somewhere in the disaster.



(Sighs) This is A.E. Signing off

Hear no Evil..Speak No Evil...See no Evil

Hey wassup guys A.E. is here with part 2 ..

Yes there is a part 2 to the madness lol...Before i continue on, let me first start off with a quote from my wonderful grandmomma, my Nana. See, Nana always told me " Evil is the most dangerous thing that we have here on this earth. It will always lure around you and take you happiest moments, it will sneak in your friends, your circle, your home, your job, you life and try to make YOU feel like your the worse person in earth, make your worth similar to that of a breadcrumb. So watch out cause everywhere you go and everything you do, His satanic eyes are watching you." Well, I really didnt get what she ment by all of that as a child, but now I see it. The more and more i get closer to God and the more and more I look around Im starting to notice evil eyes. im starting to see Satan himself thru people that I either called a friend or a mere associate. And then I see God. I see him always around me protecting me from that evil eye, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today was a lovely day for me, I saw some of the infamous crews of ABDC perform, and the aura i got from the audience was magnificent, it just showed me what I am living for and my dreams in the long run. Though i was around new people, and i must admit it was a lil uncomfortable at first because I am a shy person, eventually I loosened up and I had a wonderful time. I really enjoyed myself world, and of course it was after when finished eating dinner I had a got a text from an mere associate asking to speak to me. When i decided to give this person the light of day, he actually had some important information about this job hookup for me and how it went thru and all, but i knew he wasnt done . I knew the reason he called me was not about the job, and sure nuff it wasnt. His second reason was of course to talk to me about the argument that me and the "friend" had that i mentioned to you a couple of days ago. After first telling me how i am this and that and i need to do this and that (lol mind u i usually interrupt but i just let him talk because this dude knows nothing about me ), when i went to say simply how i felt about the situation and thus tell him that is is between me and my friend so we will deal with it, my man not only kept interrupting me and throwing insult after insult, but he also switched up the whole entire thing so now it is about me and him, he told me some things that I know about myself and guess what world...he kept throwing the "job" hookup in my face threatening to call his boy and tell him to forget the hookup and let me do it on my own. The first time i tried to stray away from it, the second time I didnt say anything because that is when i noticed that he was obviously using that to exercise his power, and when I told i had something else to do so HOLD ON for a second, he of course cut me off and told me i was gonna hang up so he said" So hang up Ralphie and Im gonna tell my friend to forget about the hookup..and he hung up on me!! Lol WOW What did I do but tell him simply i didnt want to talk about me and my friends situation with him becuase in all honesty...it has nothing to do with him?? lol and then you throw your job hookup at me and threaten to take it away because I choose not to talk to u about something that has nothing to do with you? Lol so i guess my connection at Best Buy is gone, but you know what, if it is between me signing a deal with the devil himself to control me and struggling a tad bit more to get something I worked hard to get then guess what...I will do what it do. I swear world, sometimes this feels like another reality im living right now...like everything is in a wrap But i will not focus on that negative part of my night, you know why? because i had a really good time today in my zone enjoying a talent that makes me smile on the inside. Tonight i am proud of myself because I choose to get out and meet other folks and not stay in the house and be depressed and stress my world away. Today i choose to LIVE and thats what I really plan to do,I wanna live again dammit. You can take that away from me, and there will be light at the end of tunnel i think im already starting to see it. Take that EVIL!!!



This is A.E. signing off....and with a confident snap

Call Me Your "Friend"

Wassup guys....Ur boy A.E. is back at it

Lol life can be soo amazing sometimes...one minute you just know where your going...Your at the point where you are doing things that you want to do, you are around people that you can trust and love, and you really have no big worries..then you go down a roller coaster and shit just goes downhill. You are doing absolutely nothing .....you dont know which way is up and you start to notice people around around you start to change...And when you are at the lowest point, o shit well you can call that a test for your friends because those who turn out to be not be what you expected stick out like a sore thumb or a hooker and a church convention...and well it has happened to me today. Today i found out that life goes on without you, and those you depend on will leave ur behind quicker than a deadbeat dad. And as of today, I officially, like finding a job, have to find another roommate. You see world, Plan A was supposed to be me and a my homeboy comming here at the end of August, look for a place, and find jobs so we can both support eachother in the process. What has happend is that the homeboy decides to speed things up on his terms, moves down here a month earlier and basically looks out for himself. Now when I get here im going thru it by myself, which is cool i dont mind it. But, now that I am going thru this apparently my "homeboy" feels(being that he just got himself a full time gig, and his "new life") that i am not compatible to do anything and it would be best for him to move with his already roommate and do him while I do me and if we meet up in the process then we'll meet up then ...so be it. Now, I am a supporter of you looking out for yourself, but, to when I told him my concerns he made some hurtful comments that basically kicked my already body down further and this one in particular stood out..

"IM GLAD THAT I MOVED HERE A MONTH EARLIER CAUSE IF I DIDNT I'D BE STRUGGLING LIKE YOU. I DONT WANNA STRUGGLE LIKE YOU SO I'M GLAD I MOVED HERE EARLIER IM NOT GOING THRU WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU"


WHOA!!! so what do u say to that?? Simple. There is nothing to say i mean hes right i am struggling ..but damn do u really have to throw that in my face?????Lol, you would think it couldnt get worse than that..O well it did..minutes later when i called back to express my anger and hurfulness for what he said, a statement was said from me that was "Well i am struggling yes, but even when i was struggling before i still supported u and paid for trips bec-" and i was immediately cutt off by

"WAIT THATS THE FRIEND YOU ARE YOU ARE THE TYPE OF FRIEND TO THROW SHIT IN MY FACE WELL U KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU . GET THE FUCK OFF MY FONE GET THE FUCK OF MY FONE..."

CLICK.
So is that it?? Whoa i didnt even get a chance to explain my statement because I am not that type of person. I didnt get a chance to defend my honor cause I am not a shady person but he hangs up on me AFTER hurting my feelings the way he did. Damn lol didnt I say when it rain it pours..Well right now i feel as if i lost a friend and I know I def lost my roommate so it adds a little more pressure but you know what ...when I get my money right...when I get myself together..i guarantee you world that i will not depend on ANYONE for ANYTHING..and I do mean that will all of my heart and soul. until then Im fight even harder and even tougher..cause i know this is evil tryin to bring me down but I simply wont let it ..Nope..
ON A GOOD NOTE ....As I was walking from the trash today with this heavily on my mind, i walked passed this guy (presumably a teenager i dunno) but he was singing and WOW his voice strangly calmed my spirits down a little bit. I dunno it felt like a gift or a sign from God but i just passed him and I had to literally turn my neck to see his face...but i couldnt see it though...That voice was so....peaceful. I wish I sounded like that lol. Maybe ill c him again and when i do ima compliment that voice. I tell u one thing though, if a man was to sing to me like that well...shit...I think I'd be in love




This is A.E. signing off....Damn can I have a friend ??

The American Dream...

Wassup guys Im back with another thought...

And so...it has officially been three weeks since I did my great big move and still I have no job, im running out of money, and I can relate to anybody right now when they say they are STRUGGLING. This really sucks, I guess the economy is that bad, and what sucks is that I literally feel the deflation. Time after time, day after day, application after application, and resume after resume, i have been on my ass trying to find a job. And day after day, i have doors slammed in my face by people who would appraise me if I still lived in NY..but this isn't NY and it is soo hard to make it more and more day by day. You see....I guess i was a firm believer of the American Dream, you know the part where they say you go to high school, you then graduate and go to college where you can obtain a degree and get TO get a good paying job so you eventually own a home, property, and have a good life.
Bullshit.
I am now a 22 year old college graduate with a Bachelors in Sociology, with no experience because none of my advisors told me an internship was necessary to make it, and now this is why i am going thru what I am going thru. I realize at this point of time, my life sucks. I cant even get a retail job because of this failed economy, and with all of this said it looks soo much good right now that sweet deal that they offer you in NY...because there someone will always want fashionable advice...there someone will always hav a childrens center thats looking for staff....there will always somone wanting to dance or a undercover artists looking for someone to dance..There i wouldnt need a roomate like i do now...there the grass would be truly greener HOWEVER..I dont wanna get robed again like I did..i dont wanna be on high defense everytime I walk home..i dont wanna pay for overpriced apts and cost of living...and more importantly, I dont wanna be in a place where I been all my life ...So what's a guy to do..Does he just swallow his life dreams and go back to what he knows...or does he take the road less traveled and stick it out because he knows deep down there will be light at the end of the tunnel....or so he hopes???????My present situation is really bothering, and yesterday it got me to my weakest point...and as I was walking from yet another rejected opportunity..I broke down in the streets of Atlanta..Yup I did I cried and cried and fucking cried because I never knew it could be this hard. I wasnt prepared for this type of lifestyle..I thought this was the only shit I would c in movies...well i was wrong. And when it rains...it truly pours because today as I was with my cousin learning how to drive..i done mess around and ran into a pole which caused about 4,000$ in damage to her car...So you can forget the icing on the cake that was the fuel to the fire held on my ass.....Got damn it likes I cant get a brake. So im really feeling like Danity Kane song Is anybody listening ???Cause right now i ned a helping hand in each and every way. Pray for me


this is a sad A.E.....signing off